Rules of behaviour

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Rather than attempt to lubricate social interaction, rules of behaviour in BDSM are intended to satisfy the needs or desires of the participants in the BDSM engagement or relationship.

This is an important distinction, because in our wider society rules of behaviour are based around being polite, empowering others, and respecting other people as equals. In BDSM, one of the common reasons for being involved has to do with experiencing power (either using, or being subject to), and this explicitly requires not being equal, at least in some respects, or deliberately dis-empowering one partner through activities such as bondage, service, humiliation, etc.

BDSM rules of behaviour generally fit into the following types:

  • Ritual - devotional behaviour which is frequently more symbolic than practical
  • Structure - standing orders, priorities, and values communicated from the dominant partner to the submissive partner
  • Protocols - rules to do with interaction with people, such as use of terms of respect

See also