Hotter sex through BDSM can come from:
- Increased exposure of the True Self,
- Increased closeness and intimacy,
- Additional penetration via pain, experience of power, etc.
The following is an extract from BDSM Relationships - How They Work by Peter Masters, pp. 78 - 80:
That said, many people look at BDSM as a way of making sex more exciting and powerful than it would normally be in a anilla context. This is an admirable goal and one which I fully support. There are a few ways this can work.
Firstly, even though we live in a liberated society, there are still some things which you generally don’t talk about with your parents. BDSM is one of them. Because of this, BDSM acquires a sort of secretive or illicit feel to it. Mixing a hint of BDSM into your bedroom games might therefore add a little thrill from doing the forbidden. Even for those folk who limit themselves to fluffy handcuffs, or those who use silk handkerchiefs to tie their partner’s arms and legs to the corners of the bed, this can be quite exciting. It can add an extra charge to sex. It may be that the buzz comes from fulfilling a secret fantasy, from actually or symbolically opening yourself up to your partner more than you might normally do, or it may come from doing something risque, something which you know that your parents or closest friends would disapprove of.
Secondly, sex is often an opportunity for you and your partner to intimately share each other’s bodies and feelings. An important part is them being able to feel you, and you being able to feel them. Sex, of course, provides this in abundance.
Cocks and cunts have an enormous number of nerve endings all waiting to really make your day and sex makes them get up and dance. But in vanilla sex this is about all that happens. BDSM adds to how much you can penetrate your partner, to how much they can feel you, and to how much you can feel them. This is not necessarily about sticking things into your partner—though you could argue that the BDSM activities of cutting and piercing fit this description. Instead, I’m talking about our ability to use BDSM to create intense experiences and feelings with our partner beyond mere sex.
In vanilla sex for example, foreplay might consist of fondling, massage, soft music, dirty movies, an expensive dinner, or some combination of the above. These are nice, but they’re not really that powerful.
Compare them to stringing your partner up to a bondage frame, tying them so tightly that they can’t move, then teasing or torturing them with pincers or clamps on their sensitive bits, and exploring their genitals without them being able to move to stop you; or imagine starting out with a gentle caning and working up to an intense and heavy hammering of their butt; or imagine stripping your partner naked, pushing them around roughly, and wrestling them to the ground. Consider what it’s like when you’re on the receiving end of these things. There is power and intensity written all over these activities. Whether you’re a dominant or a submissive involved in scenes like this, the scope for having a deep and penetrating awareness of your partner is much higher than, say, by sharing a dirty movie and some popcorn.
And then you add actual sexual intercourse on top of it.
Of course BDSM sex is hotter than vanilla sex!