BDSM Relationships - How They Work
|Author: Peter Masters|
|Published: June, 2012|
|List of chapters|
|You can find extracts from this book here in the following articles:|
In this second book of the BDSM Relationships series, Peter Masters takes as a starting point the principles and psychology of BDSM which he talked about in book one, and then places them in practical contexts, looking at how real-life BDSM activities and relationships serve to satisfy the wants and needs of practitioners. In particular, he takes the three BDSM pillars described in book one, looks at the effects that different BDSM activities and relationship types have on these, and shows the effects on both the wants and needs met by BDSM, and on the BDSM relationships themselves.
Fundamental to this is, on the one hand, the role which the relationship has in allowing engaging and satisfying BDSM activities to be pursued and, on the other hand, the role which BDSM itself has in supporting and consolidating the relationship.
Importantly, a longer-term relationship founded on trust and familiarity often forms a context in which much more profound experiences can be had than those you can find in a casual encounter. For this reason alone, recognising the nature of BDSM relationships and the practical possibilities which a relationship creates is vital to many people, otherwise they simply wouldn't be able to find the intensity they need.
Trust, honesty, openness and effective communication play a critical part in creating the structurally sound foundation on which any BDSM relationship is built. Typically, all of these have a greater impact on a BDSM relationship than on a non-BDSM relationship and affect the profound intimacy and engagement which BDSM folk often look for. Shortcomings in any of these dramatically reduce the level of engagement possible and, consequently, how satisfying the relationship can be.
The physical nature of a relationship is also going to be significant factor. Do you live with your BDSM partner? Are you only into weekend-only BDSM, or do you want it to be more pervasive in your life? Are you looking for a slave or are you wanting to be a slave? Does the BDSM stop at the bedroom door? Is it only about sex? Is there a mental, spiritual, or intellectual component to your BDSM? Is pain important? Are domination or authority important? Is BDSM just about one thing for you, such as bondage, or are there multiple aspects to it? How does your partner fit into all this?
Part of having a satisfying and successful BDSM relationship is, of course, actually meeting someone, and this book discusses how to meet new BDSM folk, how to assess what they're looking for and how this going to fit in with what you are looking for.
Relationships don't remain static and as your own wants and needs evolve, the the sort of relationship you may need to be in to get those wants and needs met can change. The book looks at many of the places your relationship may go.