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Peter Masters |
Peter Masters |
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Avoidance
| Penetration |
| Engagement |
| Consent |
| Communication |
| Power |
| Authority |
| Control |
| Trust |
| Fetish |
| Defence mechanisms |
| Mapping motivations to activities |
Avoidance is a conscious physical or mental process to avoid an uncomfortable situation. This is different to denial. In denial, the threat or difficult situation is not acknowledged by the person. Instead their unconscious mind creates excuses, justifications, or just plain blindness so they don't see what's happening.
In avoidance the threat is recognised and acknowledged for what it is and some action is taken to manage it such as:
- Avoiding a particular person by not going where you know they'll be,
- By not going to a particular play party because of something which may happen there,
- By pretending to someone that you're not interested in something when you actually are,
- By changing the subject during conversation, or
- By refusing to engage in particular BDSM activities.
These all have to do with, firstly, recognising that there's a potential issue or area of discomfort and, secondly, by taking steps to ensure that it doesn't happen. This may or may not be a good strategy.
When the potential issue is something external---such as encountering someone who talks too much and won't let you get away, or a particular BDSM activity which your friends or partner likes but which you just can't get into---then avoidance (or, perhaps, honesty) may be the best plan.
When the issue is something internal---such as embarrassment or guilt over actually being involved in BDSM in the first place---then learning the root cause and how to accept it may be better.
Avoidance is sometimes the alternative to properly and completely resolving an issue. This may be due to a desire or need to avoid conflict with another person or with yourself. It can also be due to laziness or ignorance. In metaphor an ostrich recognises a threat and avoids it by sticking its head in the sand. It's clearly avoidance, but the management of the threat leaves something to be desired.
On the other hand, avoidance can also be a very positive for protecting your privacy, ensuring no unwanted attention, or preventing people making inappropriate judgements.
