Where is the mastery?

Go to list of other short topics

There's a very big difference between the reality of BDSM and the ideas which "vanilla" or "white bread" folk have about BDSM. I think that most of this difference is due to the lack of realistic depictions of BDSM relationships and activities in any sort of media. As a result, fantasists are more-or-less free to weave incredible stories and ideas about BDSM without much risk of being corrected. These stories tell of worlds which are far superior, far more arousing, far more fantastic and often far more one-dimensional than any sort of actuality. Consider, for example, the people who show up on the Internet doorsteps of dominatrices claiming to be slaves and who beg and plead to be locked in a cage for the rest of their lives, or those who have never been flogged before but claim to be ready to submit to a long, hard and extreme flogging. Clearly, to us anyway, they're living outside of reality and if anyone actually gave them what they're asking for they'd be extremely "disappointed" with the result.

Keeping that bit of background in mind, I wanted to mention that I was perusing the interwebs the other day and came across a discussion on a BDSM site which was about women who refuse to give blowjobs. The comments - from guys, of course - started out like this:

"All my females suck cock or else they're whipped, raped and face-fucked by me!"

"Women who don't give blowjobs are worthless property."

"Females who don't fulfil their purpose should be traded in just like a car that doesn't run any more."

"All holes or nothing!"

Now admittedly the group in which this discussion was taking place was called, "Women are property of men", but I can't help wondering, where is the mastery here? Is there reality here?

I'm physically quite strong and I'm sure I could force a woman to yield to my desires. My first book was about hypnosis and sex and with my knowledge and experience I'm sure many females would succumb to my spell and "all holes" would become available. I have also written a number of books on BDSM and I'm sure I could use this fact to bluff or intimidate an innocent or unwary female into giving me what I want. But are any of these mastery?

I think not.

Now I know that rough-handling works for many slaves and for many submissives some of the time. As a dominant it works some of the time for me too. But mastery is more than rough-handling. It's certainly much more than finessing your way into any of a woman's orifices.

What I'm saying is that people have been trying to get into the pants (or mouths) of other people for time immemorial. Mastery is more than conning your way in, intimidating or manipulating your way in, forcing your way in, or even just demanding your way in.

For me, it's about actively playing a part in creating a context, state of mind or mindset in your slave or submissive where the clear, obvious and often only choice is to present that hole for you to use.

And, of course, it's not just about holes.