When the slave is ready...

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I saw someone take the old saying, "When the student is ready the teacher will appear," and adapt it to BDSM by saying, "When the slave is ready, the master will appear."

I think that the "student" which the first saying is talking about is a student of life, so can we compare a student of life to a slave? I'm sure that a slave can be a student of life but does a master then fill some role which we can compare to a teacher. I suppose they sometimes do because a lesson can be learned from anyone, anyone at all. But, if we're actually talking about a slave rather than a student, can we expect a right master to appear when the slave is ready?

Indeed, what does ready mean for a slave?

I think that there are two stages to being ready.

The first is recognising that there is a need, desire or a hunger waiting to be satisfied. Once recognised, a slave might go looking for a master, a dominant might go looking for a submissive, or a student might go looking for a teacher.

There's a good chance that even when they know that they need something they won't be able to find it. No teacher will seem to have the answers the student needs, every master the slave meets will only provide cursory comfort, and every submissive the dominant encounters will only seem to be able to satisfy part of their particular need.

Does this sound like a familiar situation?

Often, the problem is that the person who feels the need is trying to conquer it, to put themselves in the driver's seat and bring satisfaction to themselves directly.

Much of the time this doesn't work. The reason will become apparent shortly.

Thus entereth the second stage of being ready.

The second stage involves surrender. It involves recognising that you can't be both in the driver's seat and get what you need at the same time. Many people keep trying however. They butt their head against this wall which is blocking them from getting their needs met for their whole lives and can't work out what's wrong.

If you're looking for a slave, or a submissive, or a dominant, or a master who dresses a particular way, or who talks a particular way, or who does particular things with or to you, then you're going to be waiting a very long time.

It may well be that there's someone right for you, but they might look and act nothing like what you have in mind. Whatever rules or ideas you have about getting what you need, abandon them. Get out of the driver's seat and give up on the idea of you deciding what the right person needs to be. You might not recognise the right master for you, the right slave for you, even the right teacher for you until you accept that they're not going to appear in the form you want. They're not going to behave how you want.

Learning this, surrendering to this, brings you closer to being ready. The first stage of ready is merely recognising the need. The second stage is accepting that what's important are the need's own terms, not yours.

When you recognise, when you accept deep down, that you can't decide what satisfies you, that you can't choose what completes you or what makes you whole, then, and only then, are you ready.