People skills and shiny objects

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People skills and shiny objects
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Author: Peter Masters
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So, when you look at the top-selling books about BDSM all you see are books on: a) bondage, b) flogging, c) sex, and d) porn. Is that all there is to BDSM? What about people? Where are the books, or even articles, about the people with whom we do our BDSM? Where can we find out about how to work with our partner, develop our relationship with our partner, and deal with issues which crop up which have nothing to do with knots or with the tails of our floggers?

This article pushes aside the mechanical skills BDSM—such as flogging, needle play or bondage—and focusses on the importance of developing our people skills which, in the opinion of your humble scribe, are far more important than the length of your tails, the finesse of your knots, or the texture of your rope.


When there's talk around the campfire of BDSM skills, certain topics will almost always come up: tying knots, selecting ropes, rope treatment and cleaning, making your own canes, where you can buy the latest flogger, the latest gadget in asphyxiation, how someone has taken an ordinary kitchen egg-whisk and with just a little duct-tape and string has converted it into a full-sized A-frame, how another BDSM devotee built an entire dungeon out of match boxes, and so on.

Alternatively, the conversation may turn to the latest amazing writhing one dominant has been able to extract from his submissive, or how a particular bottom just seems to be able to soak up whatever their top throws at them, or how another master with an amazing right arm was able to flog over 200 people into orgasmic ecstasy in just one night at a party!

At rope-skills workshops we're presented with examples of different knots, shown how to lace someone up in fantastic ways, taught how to select the right rope or cord for each occasion or body part, shown how to create various sorts of harnesses, taught quick-release techniques, and so on.