Masters don't cry!
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Trying to avoid showing any signs of weakness can be a strong temptation for a dominant. It's sort of implicit in the job title - "dominant" or "master" - that there's a certain amount of strength, fortitude or resilience involved in being one. But all strength has limits. All iron bars can be bent, so why hide the fact that this is so?
There are a number of reasons why a dominant might not want to put their limits on display:
- Displaying limits has an impact on their ego and they think it makes them appear less dominant,
- Because they're trying to maintain a fantasy-like image. This might be OK for a scene, or it may be dubiously acceptable when trying to make an impression at a party, but in a long-term relationship this doesn't fly,
- Because their submissive leans on the image or illusion of strength and begins to feel uncomfortable when it's not there,
- Because they feel like they're competing with other dominants (I know! This is probably a guy thing),
- Because some submissives feel an overwhelming need to help and this can be annoying when you're sick or emotional and you just want a bit of quiet time to let healing happen naturally.
I suspect that number one (above) is the biggie, that in many cases dominants and masters avoid showing signs of weakness or vulnerability because they're afraid that it makes them less dominant: Masters don't cry. Masters are above such things.
This is crap.
The last time I looked, I was mortal. I am fairly sure that all the other masters and dominants I know are also mortal. We have feelings, we experience pain, we get headaches, we can stub our toes, we can sprain muscles and we can get indigestion. We're also emotional creatures - at times, anyway - and getting our feelings hurt or getting emotionally dented is just as likely for us when we open ourselves up to a partner as it is for any other mortal human.
There are differences in how we can react to pain and suffering though. If a slave or submissive is getting annoying we can despatch them to the farthest corner of our realm, then take deep breaths and calm down. If we happen to have our partner tied up we can create a bit of an escape by also blindfolding and gagging them. Slaves and submissives don't have this same luxury of escaping a master who is getting to be too much. If they can't use their slavish wiles to get a break, then they're stuck.
I think slaves and submissives often have to resign themselves to the fact that there isn't any escape. Maybe this surrender is part of the what they're looking for anyway. We dominants, on the other hand, can turn away and not show our feelings.
There's a limit to how much we can do this before not showing weakness becomes, itself, a weakness.
Being able to feel pain is not a weakness. I would even argue that a sensitive dominant - one who is vulnerable to pain and who is open to their own suffering - has greater potential as a dominant. They don't close themselves off from situations which are challenging or difficult and they are more likely to empathise. That's not a guarantee that they'd be any more dominant, but that there's definitely a better chance of a deep connection occurring with them than there would be with a dominant who simply "does" rather than "feels".
There are some times when it's definitely right to show weakness:
- When you don't know something. Say "I don't know" rather than try to fake it. Faking it makes you look like a dick,
- When you're sick or broken. Soldiering on when you've got a bad cold, food poisoning or when you've sprained something is not going to do anyone any good. You won't be able to concentrate and fully devote yourself to what you're doing with your partner - which is ripping them off - plus you can make yourself worse. It's better to say, "I'm sick", stop, and then come back another day,
- Cry if you feel like it.
Trying not to show weaknesses or vulnerability is ultimately an act, quite literally. You're trying to act as if things are different than they really are. This can consume an awful lot of energy and become an intense burden in itself. It also distances you the most from the people you want to be closest to, such as your slave or submissive.
It's a burden I try not to carry. What about you?