Managing oops

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I guess it would quickly snap you out of a useful headspace if you were lying face down on a table having patterns carved into your back with a scalpel by your top and you suddenly hear them mutter a quiet "Oops!"

We'd all like to think and hope that each scene is going to go smoothly from start to finish and be completely "Oops"-free because when you're in the middle of a scene - especially when you're a bottom (but not always!) - it can be seriously distracting if you have to be concerned about what your partner is doing.

This is not always the case. Obviously, "Oops" moments are impossible to completely avoid and beyond the fact that they can instantly mess up a headspace that took a long time to get into, they also often mean that you have to stop and do something to un-"Oops" things.

Even if the "Oops" is not physically or medically catastrophic, such as one necessitating a visit to the hospital, there can still be a high price attached to it.

The price is low when there's not a lot riding on the scene. If you happen to live with your partner and have plenty of time for doing things together then a small "Oops" might just mean stop, apply a band-aid and try again tomorrow.

If there's a lot riding on a scene, such as when it involves two people who don't live together, where they don't have a lot of time together or where one or both might have been building up expectation for a week or more then the price of an "Oops" can be very, very high. In addition to a band-aid in such cases, expect much swearing and cursing to occur at a minimum.

Earlier I intimated that it's not just tops who can cause an "Oops" moment. A bottom who gets a cramp, for example, can cause an "Oops" and if, in a moment of wild agony or passion they scream out the name of their previous master or mistress, well... that's definitely an "Oops".

With experience you can anticipate many of the possible "Oops" incidents and plan for ways to mitigate them should they occur. An accidental wrap with a flogger can be an "Oops" event and recognising that it happened, apologising, and then pushing forward can be the best strategy.

"Oops" often means work. This idea is an important one to accept and embrace. It can be very tempting to try to metaphorically sweep an "Oops" under the bed, but the right thing to do is to deal fully with each and every "Oops" - even if it means putting your pants back on - so that you and your partner are free to move on to new and exciting activities without the spectre of past "Oops"s hanging over your head.

Especially recognise that the significance of what gets interrupted by an "Oops" may be very different for your partner than it is for you. What you might think as a minor inconvenience could be far more serious for your partner. Although I haven't mentioned it so far yet, communication is always going to be your best tool for making sure that an "Oops" gets well and truly un-"Oops"-ed. Talk with your partner and make sure that you understand both the gravity of the "Oops" situation to them and what's needed to fully and completely resolve it.

It's vital to have the real and certain expectation that each and every "Oops" is going to be dealt with properly and fully by you and your partner. In the face of certain knowledge that there will inevitably be "Oops" moments, the secure certainty that they will be handled, respected, and properly treated can ensure a good and productive headspace each and every time.