Peter Masters
(petermasters on FetLife)

Peter Masters
(petermasters on FetLife)

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I've let slip my control over my submissive

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DEAR PETER: Unfortunately, I have been sick for a many months and I've let slip my control over my submissive. I'm now fully recovered from my illness and I have my energy back. My submissive wants me to be more controlling, and I really want to be back in the driver's seat again.

Do you have any suggestions about how I can get my focus back and get my control back on track?



DEAR EDNA: In regards to your brief question on control, I have observed that the main thing from which effective control stems is purpose. While it's easy to assert drive-by dominance by getting a submissive or slave to fetch you a cup of coffee or do some quickie task, a longer-term sense of control comes with a longer-term purpose on the part of the dominant.

One approach I can suggest is integrating your submissive into any projects you have, into any work you do, or into any of your activities. For example, if you happen to be a writer, you could press them into service as a proofreader or editor.

This lets you expand the scope of your projects. One of the things I have written about, and am writing about in my new books, is the idea of "penetration". This is what a submissive or dominant feels from their partner. Often this is what submissives are actually looking for, and if you have projects or activities of your own, and which you are passionate about, you can integrate your submissive into them in a service role and this lets you use your existing passion to penetrate them by bringing them into it and binding them to it.

It can mean that you can do more with them in your projects than you can on your own. Fr'instance, I know a master/slave couple who run a number of BDSM-related businesses. The business is his, but his slave works in it with him. He gets to control her as part of running the business (his purpose), and she serves him and interacts with him in that.

I hope the above helps,