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I will admit to a tendency in my writing to focus on what some might call serious matters to do with BDSM - personal development, recognising the needs of yourself and your partner, communication, skills development, compatibility and so on. These are important in creating the well-rounded, happy and satisfied BDSMer.
I don't often write about hedonism though and I probably should.
I like hedonism, particularly in regards to myself. I like a bit of sensual self-indulgence. When we look at some of the things we do such as wax play, flogging and rope work, we can often recognise sensuality in them - a very raw, primal pursuit of physical or sexual sensual pleasure. It might well be that for some people there are other needs involved as well such as a need to serve, a need to experience control or a need for some form of catharsis, but sensual pleasure is very hard to avoid in many of the things we do in a dungeon.
Once we walk out of our dungeon it can be a very different story. This is when we often neglect the sensual pleasure side of BDSM.
I know that it's easy to think of sensual sexual or physical pleasure when you're somewhere where you can take off your clothes and rub, caress or fondle intimate body parts (preferably not your own), and I suppose it's also natural to turn off thoughts of pursuing this sort of pleasure when clothes go back on, but we don't need to.
BDSM is not just what what we do in the dungeon. For the folk who have dominant/submissive or master/slave relationships which continue outside of the dungeon, who live it in their day-to-day lives, it's important to remember that BDSM is a toolbox, a collection of things - attitudes, behaviours and activities - which we use to make ourselves happy and satisfied. It's something we can use to have a fucking awesome time just as much outside of the dungeon as in it. And I think we should.
You see, BDSM transforms hitting someone with a stick into impact play. It transforms verbally abusing someone into a humiliation scene. It transforms a flogging into a powerful experience of surrender. It transforms kneeling at someone's feet into awakening. In wax play it transforms inflicting superficial burns into sensual ecstasy.
Why can't it do this magic elsewhere as well?
Well, sometimes it does. BDSM can transform fetching someone a coffee into self-discovery. It can transform running an errand into a powerful feeling of being useful. These are both activities which non-BDSM people might find mundane but which become quite intense with BDSM.
BDSM has this ability to make something painful or even just plain normal into something wonderful and transformative. I think it's part of our job to look for this effect wherever we can and get the most out of our BDSM. I think we owe this to ourselves and to our partners.
Here's a list of things which are ordinarily sensual. My task then for you is to think about how BDSM can play a part in them:
- Dining out in a nice restaurant,
- Going for a walk in the sun or lying down in the sun,
- Wearing clothes (hint: some clothes can feel sensual),
- Eating (or drinking) chocolate,
- Having a hair cut,
- Getting a massage,
- Sailing, going for a boat ride or going for a ferry ride (consider rocking of the boat, sound of the waves, the wind),
- Listening to music,
- Bungee jumping,
- Scuba diving.
So, what sensuality are you going to look for today? Is pursuing hedonism on your list of things to do? How is BDSM going to play a part?
That's enough writing for now. In a little while my partner and I are going out specially to have lunch in Chinatown. I assure you that it's going to be fucking awesome.