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One of the more interesting and ego-deflating things I have learned about BDSM is that masters don't enslave slaves. Slaves, in fact, enslave themselves. Yes, it's not me or my amazing awesomeness that reduces a woman into a quivering, subservient creature. She does it herself.
However, that's not to say that a master doesn't have a necessary role.
Let me explain because this is important.
Someone doesn't just become slave because a dude in tight leathers or a chick in black latex appears on the horizon. In most, if not all cases, the slave is sitting inside them, waiting to come out, waiting for the right time, the right circumstances and the right master or mistress.
Why doesn't the slave come out before then? There are many reasons. It might be that the person who is slave is distracted by other activities which are partially satisfying their slave needs - for example, if they have a a deep need to serve they might work for a charity and sublimate some of their need to serve through that. It might also be that each time they find someone who they feel could be "the one", it turns out that they are, in fact, "the dud" and their slave part goes into hiding. For many slaves, they may not even realise they are slaves because their slave nature or condition can't find a safe way to come out and subconsciously they keep it bottled up.
Enter the master…
Regardless of the nature of a slave, a key part of being slave is surrender. They need to surrender completely to what they are. They will seek surrender, but partial surrender will always be unsatisfying, even painful and torturous, and some slaves, in their hunger and desperation, will take partial surrender as better than nothing at all.
The right master, however, can provide two things:
- They can provide a safe context for the slave to come out, and
- They can provide the right opportunities for service and surrender.
It can be the case that the slave stays bottled up because coming out is painful, because they get abused, because they aren't respected or appreciated, or even because they get belittled. A right master will recognised what's happening. They'll remove obstacles and impediments, get rid of the things which keep the slave bottled up inside themselves, and create situations where the slave's nature can be fully and safely exposed. Someone who is slave is going to always a feel a pressure to be themselves, so when all obstacles are removed the slave will tend to come out naturally.
Secondly, a slave just isn't slave on their own. Well… they are, but it's when they're paired with a master who knows how to use them, who knows what to demand of them, and knows how to treat them, that the slave can be all that they need to be. Certainly a slave can pair up with someone who doesn't fully understand them and can be of service to this person and sate some of their slave needs that way, but an aware master can bring everything into sharp focus and make being slave challenging, demanding, and deeply satisfying.
So, the goal is not to find the slave. The slave is already there. The goal is to let the slave be born and to provide the nourishment the slave needs to grow. If you can also teach, more the better. But remember that the goal of a teacher or trainer is not to make the slave into what you want, but to make the slave into all they can be.