Bedroom-only BDSM

Go to list of other short topics

As we all know, "BDSM" is actually an acronym. It stands for "Bedroom and Dungeon Sex and Masturbation". Or, at least, that's what it seems to be for many people. If you look through the profiles of BDSM people online, many of them seem to be looking for BDSM only in the bedroom… hence the "B".

It's true that there can be an intensity when you combine sexual drives with BDSM which can be hard to get outside of the bedroom or dungeon, but that doesn't mean that BDSM necessarily ends where the rest of the house or apartment begins.

But by leaving the actual nookie, sex, fucking and masturbation behind when you leave the dungeon you're better able to experience and immerse yourself in other aspects of BDSM, aspects which are often drowned out - so to speak - by the intensity of sex.

These are aspects like personal service or surrender. Indeed, personal service - serving your partner or being served by them - can be much more wide-ranging than sex. By putting aside the sex part, at least temporarily, you can explore more subtle types of service, such as personal assistance, working on projects, teaching or training, errands, cooking, anticipating and meeting your partner's wants and needs before they're aware of them themselves, and much more. These are all areas which can be very satisfying and rewarding for someone who is service oriented, but they're hard to focus on and do well when you're naked and on the edge of orgasmic hysteria.

Some people feel obligated to have sex as part of BDSM. This can be because they or their partner genuinely believe that sex and BDSM must go together and they can't conceive of anything else.

Other people keep BDSM and sex together because it means that when they leave the dungeon or bedroom they can leave their BDSM there. It makes life simpler. They don't have to be concerned about any of the complications (they think) of having a dominant/submissive or master/slave relationship. This can be quite valid if they and their partner either don't live together or don't actually have the time or energy to devote to a fully-blown BDSM relationship. Limiting their BDSM to the bedroom and to scenes makes it all much more manageable.

More than this, limiting BDSM to the bedroom is a safety mechanism for some people. Having the possibility of that same intensity outside of the bedroom as inside can be scary. It threatens the routines and rhythms of life and risks displacing them with something new and unknown. Who knows? They may actually like it and maybe that's frightening to consider.

So, do you limit your BDSM activities and relationships to the bedroom or dungeon? Is the rest of your life a BDSM-free zone? Or are you someone who lives their BDSM wherever you happen to be?