Humiliation

Standing in the corner after a spanking

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Humiliation is a psychological activity which relies on attacks by the top or dominant on identity structures of the bottom or submissive.

This can satisfy many BDSM motivations, such as:

• Experiencing the power of one's partner, and
• Uncovering the True Self
• Creating or inspiring emotional intimacy---through experiencing one's identity weaknesses exposed---and bonding

Malicious humiliation versus constructive humiliation

Malicious humiliation is intentional and destructive and leads to one or more of the outcomes listed in abuse. We could identify malicious humiliation as having a deliberate intent to cause harm and this puts it in the realm of true sadism.

Constructive humiliation, on the other hand, leads to one of the outcomes listed above, or any of the outcomes listed in motivations.

How it works

In common with many BDSM activities, there is a marked disparity of power involved in humiliation, and much of the play involves exercising this power difference. This leads to one partner experiencing the power of their partner to impact their sense of self and identity, and the other wielding the words and actions to cause this impact.

In regards to humiliation, the value of self is involved in two ways:

1. Many, if not most, people, measure themselves (and thus gain a sense of their own worth or value) against how others feel or react towards them (value by reflection),
2. They also maintain their own---sometimes idealised---idea of what usually-hidden aspects of themselves are worth (self-maintained value)

Value by reflection

In a private context, such as a dungeon---and particularly when the humiliator is well-known and trusted by the humiliatee---the humiliator is well-placed to use words and actions---such as insults and dismissive gestures---to indicate that they value their partner less. Lacking any other external source of validation, the humiliatee can become dependent on their partner to support their own sense of self-value.

In other words, a trusted partner can partially or completely take away one or more of the identity columns (see the Identity structures diagram in the Identity article) of the humiliatee. The partner then positions themselves as a temporary replacement, with their behaviour towards the humiliatee holding their identity up, and thus being the power that is experienced.

See strategies below.

Self-maintained value

Most people don't look like supermodels, and are rarely called upon to present themselves in all their glory in front of others. Thus body image is an aspect of self-value where a person will often come up with their own estimation of what their body is like, and protect that valuation by not exposing themselves. This is fertile ground for humiliation by requiring the humiliatee to expose themselves in front of others (e.g., parade around naked, or serve other people at a party while naked).

No insults or dismissive gestures are required because their sense of self-value immediately becomes under threat by having their body exposed for valuation by others, even when no valuation actually occurs.

The humiliator then becomes the person who compels the humiliatee to confront themselves. Thus the self-value of the humiliatee is controlled by how much of themselves they are forced to confront.

Strategies

Verbal

• Insults
• Use of diminutive terms ("little one")
• Criticism of skills, characteristics or abilities
• Comments regarding attractiveness
• Criticism of sexual ability or desirability
• Ridicule ("You call those breasts??")

Gestures and actions

• Being pissed on
• Being ignored

Exposure

• Being required to toilet in front of others or as an animal might

• Being required to perform degrading service---such as a business executive being required to do menial clean up duties in a house

• Being required to wear degrading clothes or decorations; cross-dressing; nudity
• Being required to walk around in chains

Behaviours

• Needing to seek permission to do everyday activities---such as go to the toilet, leave the room, go out, etc.
• Adopting rituals which emphasise diminished status---such as speaking deferentially, begging permission to speak, bowing when entering or leaving the rom

Penetration

The goal is not to destroy the person, but to penetrate them. In other words, it is for the person to feel themselves subject to the power of their partner to strengthen or weaken their identity structures (see identity). Likewise, for their partner, it is to experience the effects of the use of that power, typically by how the person responds to the power, and how it changes how they behave towards the partner.

Caution

Consider also the sacred nature of some aspects of the identity which may be utilised during humiliation. While some parts of the identity are not particularly important overall, some parts can reach the status of "sacred"---such as, for example, ability to be a good parent---and their involvement in humiliation play can be particularly powerful. Perhaps more often than not, sacred parts of the identity should be left out of humiliation play due to risk of harm, and potential for stuffing up the relationship between the two people involved.

See also

• Motivations
• Identity
• Objectification
• Abuse
• Defence mechanisms
• Service
• Consent

External

• Erotic humiliation at Wikipedia
• "Humiliation" and BDSM or "Why is it "Humiliation" if i *LIKE* it?"
• Humiliation Chart