Safeword

A safeword is one or more words or actions which have been agreed upon to have special meanings by a top and bottom (or dominant and submissive) prior to play. These words or actions serve as signals, usually to regulate or stop play. While it's more common for a bottom or submissive to use safewords, tops and dominants may also want to use them from time to time.

As the name implies, safewords are intended to ensure the safety of the people involved in a scene. For example, in a heavy flogging scene the bottom might have three safewords:

• "Red" means, "Stop straight away. I am in difficulty"
• "Amber" means, "Slow down. I am getting near one of my limits"
• "Green" means, "No problems. Full speed ahead"

One of the advantages of using the regulating-type of safeword (such as "Amber" or "Green"), as opposed to having to describe exactly how one is feeling, is that these short words minimally affect the mood of the two players. If they happen to be in the throes of passion, or experiencing an intensity of pain, having to stop and explain how they're feeling and what they need to happen next can put a dampener on their own mood and that of their partner. With pre-agreed signals (i.e., safewords) their scenes can continue on without spoiling the mood.

Safe action

Where someone is unable to speak, for example if they have been gagged or mummified, then their safeword may in fact need to be a safe action. For example, they may have a ball to hold and when they drop it, that's the equivalent of yelling "Red".

Safeword limits

Safewords are useful tools, but they can't guarantee the well-being of your partner. Sometimes they break down because of the environment, and sometimes they simply don't work because of the state of mind of your partner.

In many large cities around the world there are BDSM-oriented nightclubs where BDSM enthusiasts can get together, chat, and drink. There are often play facilities available, but because of the nightclub atmosphere there is frequently loud music being played. Any safewords used there will often not be audible above the music.

Also, if someone doesn't use their safeword, it is not an indication that everything is OK. They may be incapacitated in some way, or even unconscious, and may not be able to use their safeword.

In the absence of a confirmation from someone that they are OK, the top or dominant should regularly confirm that their partner is really OK. Relying on a safeword to tell you that something is wrong is irresponsible.

And, sometimes, even if the partner says they are OK they may not be. This might happen when they are overwhelmed with endorphins and simply not able to feel pain any more, or when they are in the full throes of subspace and actually can't think clearly and safely about their own wellbeing.