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Peter Masters |
Peter Masters |
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Just a bit of fun (not)
| Penetration |
| Engagement |
| Consent |
| Communication |
| Power |
| Authority |
| Control |
| Trust |
| Fetish |
| Defence mechanisms |
| Mapping motivations to activities |
I have been unfortunate enough to attend different workshops and presentations on various aspects of BDSM play where the presenters have said that we do these particular BDSM activities "just for a little bit of fun".
This is a case of denial. No one does BDSM "just for a little bit of fun".
While BDSM can be fun, if it's really only fun you want, then preparing a dungeon for some play, or getting out the toybag, doing some scene or other, and then cleaning the gear and putting it away, is an awful lot of effort just for a little bit of fun.
If it were about fun, then it'd be much, much easier to rent a copy of Despicable Me, put a bag of ready-to-cook popcorn in the microwave oven, and then have a genuinely fun and easy-to-clean-up afternoon on the couch.
When people say "it's just a bit of fun", what they usually mean is that the fun aspect is all they're prepared to admit to themselves or to you. They may even consciously believe that it's just about fun for them, but there are always other motivations actually involved. "Fun" is simply far more acceptable and less confronting than admitting to something else.
For example:
- With a bit of experience, piercing can be very light and easy to perform. It often doesn't leave marks or bruises, and it doesn't involve hitting. It does, however, often involve penetration and profound surrender. It may seem light, but it is not "just fun".
- Dressing your submissive up as a pony and having them trot or parade around can seem just like a bit of fun with dress up games. It can also be a quite profound exercise in dominance and submission.
