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2.2. Consolidating control

In the last chapter I talked about the transfer of control process and listed its four basic steps. The actions that the person taking control, the dominant, does are very quick, taking typically no more than a second or two. This means that the key or "meaty" part of the transfer can be over in a matter of seconds. What happens next?

In the short term there comes a phase of consolidation or "bedding down" of the control. This consolidation consists of defining the boundaries of the control, of exploring and actually asserting control over the areas of behaviour that the dominant is interested in.

Let's consider the case where your initial control-taking action over your submissive was to direct them to stand up. Unless your particular perversion is very strange and you get your jollies just by making people stand up you will be interested in more than this. And indeed, in most cases you will get from your submissive much more control than this as part of the same transaction. A "seasoned" submissive will typically give up a very large amount of control in response to the initial control-taking by a dominant. Indeed the control-taking action will be mostly symbolic in their case, representing maybe an action taking large swathes of emotional, sexual and physical control over the submissive all at the one time.

This extra control will vary from submissive to submissive, depending on many factors, including their own conditioning and experience, trust in you, how strongly they currently feel their need for control, etc. An important thing to note is that this control is given to you as part of the initial transaction but it still needs you to complete the process by actually recognising and asserting it. For example, after directing your submissive to stand you might then further tell them how you want them to stand or how you want them to address you. These subsequent acts build on or consolidate the initial transfer and further define for both you and the submissive how, and over what, you want to assert control.

The idea of this period after the initial transfer serving to "bed down" the control transfer⁽⁴¹⁾ is very important. As well as being used by both you and your submissive as a time to get used to the idea of having taken or having given up control, respectively, it is also used by the submissive to learn and adjust to how they will be controlled--ie. to your particular quirks, and by the dominant to learn how the submissive reacts to being controlled. This can be a time of stress or uncertainty.

For you, the dominant, consolidating and bedding down the control mainly consists of using the control, exploring the boundaries, recognising reactions and dealing with them. The main thing then is to use the control in as wide a variety of ways as possible and to watch what happens. You and your submissive will use this to learn:

1. When and how you typically use the control,
2. How you react to it,
3. How your submissive reacts to it,
4. Any unexpected negative aspects to its use,
5. Any unexpected positive aspects to its use,
6. How well its use by you satisfies your submissive's needs,
7. And how well its use satisfies your own needs.

Both of you will be using this time of familiarisation to adapt to the new balance of control. Regularly debriefing your submissive during this can be a good way to get closer to how they are reacting and feeling.

Expanding control

Taking control by grabbing your submissive by the scruff of their neck and manhandling them to the floor doesn't mean that you have acquired control over their entire life. Taking control in such a primal manner might give you control over them physically or sexually but it's much less likely that they'll then respond to your orders regarding their finances, their work, their family or their free time.

Once you have taken initial control then, how do you go about expanding this control into other areas of their life and being? Well, once you have explored the control that they gave you as part of the initial transfer and found its boundaries and you want more then you will have to take more control. In other words you will have to go through another transfer-of-control process.

Consider the case where you are at a play party and you want to do something particularly perverted to an attractive submissive you meet. You might say, "Come with me to the Comfy Chair⁽⁴²⁾", where you proceed to do horrid and unspeakable things to them. Afterwards, however, when you are unwinding from this job well done you might want this submissive to go and get you a drink. The context is different however and the control that you took initially, and which they gave up, which allowed you to torture them may not include having them serve you drinks. It's possible then that you would have to separately take control so that they will serve you.

However, your submissive is going to more likely to give up control to you when the new control is similar to control you already have. If you have just manhandled them to the floor then they're likely to also respond to orders to stand, sit, kneel and other physical acts. On the other hand if you have just manhandled them to the floor and then tell them to write an essay on Marcel Proust you might find yourself much less lucky.

Let's look at a possible progression of control-taking:

1. Manhandle the submissive to the floor,
2. Tell them to kneel, sit, stand, present, etc.,
3. Tell them to serve food and/or drinks and correct how they do so,
4. Tell them how to undress and perform sexually,
5. Tell them how to dress in future,
6. Give them wide guidelines for their social life and where and with whom they can go out,
7. Tell them to discuss their major decisions of each day with you,
8. Tell them not to make major decisions--unless they need to be made immediately--without discussing them with you first,
9. Give them guidelines for making decisions,
10. Tell them that you will be making certain decisions,
11. Tell them that all decision-making authority rests with you.

Each step in the above series builds on the previous step. Bedding down, or consolidating, each step is important; in other words you don't rush through the list in a matter of just minutes, instead you stop after each step, making sure both you and your submissive are settled, before moving on to the next step. This series doesn't cover all areas of control, of course, but it is a useful example to see how you can go from one area to another.

Conclusion

I have included both consolidation of control and expansion of control in this one chapter because I see them both as being part of the process of creating or exploring the boundaries of the control you have over your submissive. In some cases too it can be hard to tell if something is in fact consolidation rather than actually expansion by taking new control.

The important thing that I'd like to get across in this chapter is there is an initial contact between a dominant and a submissive where the dominant begins to take control. This can be a matter of just an instant of time. This is followed by a much longer bedding down and defining of the extent of the control.

Things to think about

1. A dominant can explore the boundaries of their control over a submissive by giving orders or directions and observing any external signs of resistance or rejection by the submissive. This is fairly simple, but it leaves the submissive in a reactive role. Given that a control-sensitive submissive probably has a strong interest in being controlled how can they actively be involved in the consolidation process? How can they make their own original contributions?
2. It's easy to think about all this in terms of conscious, or aware, control. How does consolidation enter into the picture when we talk about subconscious or unconscious transfers of control?
3. Think about your own personal "standard moves" when you first approach a submissive. What do control do you directly take, and what other control do submissive generally give up to you at the same time? When you have done a "standard move" what control do you expect to have?
4. Can you list some ways that you can leverage control you already have to acquire more control over your submissive?